It Takes A Village

Everyone says, “It takes a village to raise kids.” I’ll let you in on a secret – it takes a village to foster!

I hear all the time how surprised people are when they find out I foster, especially as a single mom. It’s always, “I don’t know how you do it. I never could. How do you even find time with all that you do?” Wash, rinse, repeat. The short answer is that I don’t do it alone – I couldn’t be the foster parent I am if it wasn’t for the tribe I have surrounding me, offering support and love in so many different ways.

Before I was even licensed as a foster parent, I had people helping. I was blessed to have not just one, but TWO baby showers. My grandparents threw a shower with family and close friends when I first turned in my application to foster. Then, in a true outpouring of love, another group of friends gifted me with a second baby shower and invited almost the entire church. (I had enough diapers from that second shower to last me through my first year as a mom!)

I have a family who is so supportive, even if they don’t always understand what it is that I do or why I do it. My parents have welcomed every single baby as their own grandbaby, my grandparents are over the moon that I’ve made them great-grandparents, and when I’m invited to family gatherings, it is always with the expectation that I may bring a baby with me. My parents are even my go-to babysitters – my dad has watched my babies more than anyone else, that’s for sure.

Friends have come over to drop off meals, pray over each baby, clean my kitchen, and even fold my laundry. I have friends who live so far away we don’t get to see each other in person, but they still manage to be a part of my tribe and send me clothes, memorabilia for each baby, and cards with encouraging words. One of the biggest examples of friends who are a part of my tribe are the two friends who chose to live as my housemates knowing I was going to foster. They both want to be foster or adoptive moms themselves one day, but for now, they are happy to be a part of my own foster story by living together (which means less grocery shopping, meal prepping, and house cleaning for me!).

And my tribe extends beyond just family and friends. I wouldn’t be able to do what I do as an ESH mom if it wasn’t for my work colleagues. It takes a special kind of supervisor to let you leave work with almost no notice when you get a call to pick up a baby in the middle of the day; it takes an even more special supervisor to be just as excited as I am for a new placement. My co-workers love getting updates about my babies, and on the days I work a little slower because I’ve been up all night with a crying baby or leaving my baby with a caregiver isn’t an option, they offer me grace and understanding.

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I attend a support group for foster and adoptive parents through a local non-profit. Every other week, I get the joy of being surrounded by others who just “get it” and who can offer a listening ear and words of advice, even as I get to be the same support for them. I’m connected to other foster and adoptive moms in my state through a Facebook group, and it is nothing short of miraculous to see how these women show up with legal advice, medical referrals and recommendations, clothes and bedding and toys and school supplies, and reminders that we are not alone – all for moms they have never met in person.

There are so many people who are a part of my tribe, who enable me to move forward in my desire to be an ESH mom. Without them, my life wouldn’t look the same. So if you are thinking of becoming a foster parent, ask yourself who might be in your tribe? And if the answer is smaller than you want it to be, start reaching out and make it bigger! I have found that people want to help, they just don’t always know how.

And if fostering is something that you don’t feel called to, know that it’s not the only way you can make a difference in the life of a child. One of my favorite shirts to wear is a shirt from Goods and Better that shows so many different ways to help kids – you can adopt, foster, mentor, advocate, volunteer, and pray. And the list doesn’t end there! Maybe you’re the person who is a part of someone’s tribe and your support is part of what makes fostering or adopting possible for them. In whatever way you want to get involved, just make sure you do. There are enough kids who are hurting and alone in this world that there is some way you can help. Figure out what works for you – and welcome to the village!